The Man Your Man Could Smell Like
by 9peggy
Summary: "Sadly, he isn't me. But if he stopped using lady scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he's me." Rouge couldn't agree more. AU, short one-shot.


"Shh! Shadow, don't talk, that commercial is coming on again!"

Shadow, reclined on the sofa, gave the ivory bat an irritated glare. He didn't even say anything. He looked toward the television, then looked away, uninterested, and continued to read through the newspaper. Why Rouge raved about that commercial was beyond his understanding, but he found it easy to ignore.

"_Hello, ladies,"_ The man on the commercial said, in a smooth voice. Rouge gave a tiny squeal beside him, and Shadow rolled his crimson eyes.

Rouge loved this guy. It was just the way he talked, how ridiculously handsome he was, and most of all, the way he could make things magically appear just by looking away, and back again.

She loved him to _death._

"_Look at your man."_

Rouge obeyed at once, jerking her neck around to glance at Shadow. Shadow glimpsed at her in slight astonishment. Not only because she reacted to the command so quickly, but because she was looking at _him_ in response. He wasn't exactly sure what was going through her head right now, but he _was_ sure he was not her 'man'.

"_Now back to me."_

Rouge switched her head again, her eyes glued to the screen.

"_Now back at your man."_

Shadow met her with a weary expression as she complied.

"_Now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me."_

Shadow rolled his eyes a second time as a disappointed look crossed the treasure hunter's features.

"_But if he stopped using lady scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he's me."_

The disappointment vanished from Rouge's face, replaced by a gleam of hope. Shadow was finding it hard to get back to his newspaper.

"_Look down."_

Rouge looked at her feet.

"_Back up."_

Rouge jolted upright.

"_Where are you? You're on a boat with the man your man could smell like."_

A blissful sigh escaped the bat's lips, and a dreamy look spread over her features before she became once again mesmerized by the commercial.

"_What's in your hand?"_

"Really, Rouge?" Shadow grumbled as Rouge eagerly looked at her palm.

"_Back to me. I have it. It's an oyster with two tickets to that _thing _you love."_

Rouge gasped excitedly, as if she actually possessed that…thing. Shadow was just thankful she didn't, because if she did, that other ticket would most likely fall into his hands, and she'd drag him to go see whatever it was with her. Oh, how thankful he was.

"_Look again. The tickets are now diamonds."_

In a flurry of brief hysteria, Rouge jumped off the couch, and lunged towards the television screen, her two gloved hands plastered against it hungrily. Shadow, who had fallen to the floor in her frenzy, picked himself off the ground and gave her an aggravated stare.

"_Really_, Rouge?"

"_Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I'm on a horse."_

Rouge turned the television off, swiveling her head around to face Shadow. Shadow was surprised by the critical look she gave him. Accusing thoughts suddenly filled Rouge's mind.

_Why doesn't _he_ smell like that? Why can't _he_ turn two wonderful tickets into even better diamonds? Why couldn't _he_ make things appear by looking at him, and then looking away? Why wasn't _he_ on a horse?_

Several seconds of sheer annoyed silence passed between them.

"What?" Shadow finally asked.

Rouge stared at him inquisitively for a moment, before sighing exasperatingly.

"We're going to the store."

"Oh, come _on_, Rouge!" Shadow protested, throwing his hands in the air. "You can't be serious!"

"Oh, I assure you, I am. It's time you stopped using lady scented products."

"I don't use lady scented products!"

Rouge arched an unconvinced eyebrow. "_Suave?"_

"Yeah; Suave _for men."_

". . . But . . . the horse . . ."

Shadow rolled his eyes for the third time, turning around curtly. "I don't have to put up with this."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I love the Old Spice commercials. :D This was just a random one-shot that came to me when I was watching the original Old Spice commercial. I immediately thought of Shadow and Rouge. Oh, and if you didn't already know, Suave is an actual body wash. And yes, they do have a version for men, too.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog, or it's characters, or Old Spice, OR Suave. **

**So . . . sequel? Maybe? I could see this one-shot morphing into a story with a few chapters in it. I dunno.**

**See that blue button down there? Click it. Magical things behold when you do. **


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